That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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