I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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