you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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