I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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