Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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