Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
