Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
