I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
