Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
