Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
