I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
