so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
