love makes seman taste better
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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