is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize