I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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