i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
