It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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