return my video game
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize