I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
