You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize