Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
