We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
