True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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