Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
