Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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