You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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