Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
