Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
