Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
