Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
