Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
