This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize