I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
