i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Jerry, you need to find god
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
