New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize