found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
