Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize