It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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