He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
