my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The adults are the big ones right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
