I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
