Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
