before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
