Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
as a side note pls kill me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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