So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
