My brain says no but my pants say off.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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