I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
