We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
