That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
