okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
