So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
