some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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