I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
