An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
whose parrot is this?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
