Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
