But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
