Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
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