I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
