you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
