everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ugly people sure do ruin things
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
