Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize