What a fucking waste of an outfit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize