When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
