Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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